•2:31 PM
So I decided to start a blog mainly for myself as a way to get my thoughts together and share the stories of where life takes me.
The past year and a half has been an emotional journey to say the least. There have been incredible highs and gutwrenching lows.
As most of you know Jim and I got married in July of '07 and almost immediately my biological clock started to tick. Well actually it is more of a constant screeching in my ear that drowns out everything else.
After several months of trying it finally happened...two beautiful pink lines. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. I took the test very early in the morning when Jim was still sleeping. I climbed back into bed to wait for him to wake up. He didn't. Maybe a gentle nudge would do the trick. Nope. A sigh. No luck. The thunk on the forehead did the trick and he forced one eye open. Crap the pressure was on. I needed this to be perfect. Something we would remember forever and be able to tell our child some day.
"How are your eyes?" I said. Not quite what I was aiming for but I'll have to run with it now. His reply? A caveman sounding grunt as he turned over. After another round of nudges, sighs, and a thunk to the forehead he managed to ask Why? "I need you to go in the bathroom and look at something and tell me what you think."
I thought for sure that was a dead give away. Apparently not, since he seemed to think I was challenging some bathroom boundaries. He finally went in the bathroom and was there for what seemed like an eternity and came out with a look that can only be described as shock and awe. No words, just a high 5. Unfortunately that pregnancy was not meant to be. We found out at our 8 week ultrasound that there was no heartbeat. Devastated and still naive we moved on.
In December of the same year it happened again. I was beginning to think I would never see two pink lines on a test again. Cautiously optimistic best describes how we felt. The bloodwork came back with fantastic numbers. I needed to be above 2500 and I was at 77,000!!! The Dr said you are very pregnant congratulations. I let my guard down that day. I never thought we would go through the same thing again.
This time we saw a flickering heartbeat on the ultrasound which is supposed to be when you get the thumbs up. The Dr did not like something that he saw and wanted us to come back for another ultrasound in two weeks. I think the look on my face said it all and he said "Okay, next week". The following week the flicker was gone. I knew as soon as the image came up on the screen. The Dr, bless his heart kept trying to find it. I remember he and Jim both talking to me, though I didn't hear a word they said. How can this be?
This is where my favorite phrase first entered my life...Advanced Maternal Age. Which is a fancy way to call a woman old and not get kicked in the teeth.
The following months have been full of tests and a string of doctors - 4 to be exact (doctors that is), 23 vials of blood, 1 hysterosalpingogram and 1 hysteroscopy later I am a very tired and frustrated version of myself.
The only test that came back as a problem was for a hereditary blood clotting disorder called MTHFR or methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. Which in a nutshell means that I don't process folic acid correctly. So finally we had an answer as to why this keeps happening. You need folic acid to grow a healthy baby. The genetic testing we had done on the last baby showed she had trisomy 16. Not something that is hereditary. Neither Jim nor I passed it on. The baby had an extra copy of the 16th chromosome. Possibly due to my folic acid issues??? The dr's called it bad luck.
After the last miscarriage my body did not return to normal. I waited 101 days for aunt flow to return, definately not normal. I was referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist who put me on Clomid to get me ovulating again. More on Clomid later. That deserves a whole rant all unto itself. This is where my battle of proving that I ovulate on my own (thank you very much) started. This battle is still going on and we are trying to decide how we want to proceed. Seems that I am no spring chicken and every day that goes by this burden gets a little heavier to carry.
A folic acid problems sounds easy enough to fix - just take a high dose of folic acid and B vitamins and all of my problems will be solved. Well maybe. Seems like each doctor has his own opinion on MTHFR. They range from it's nothing, to me needing to give myself heparin injections twice a day.
Right now we are trying to decide what our next move will be. How to treat the MTHFR and how to make a baby.
That brings you all up to speed. Stay tuned to see where life takes me.
The past year and a half has been an emotional journey to say the least. There have been incredible highs and gutwrenching lows.
As most of you know Jim and I got married in July of '07 and almost immediately my biological clock started to tick. Well actually it is more of a constant screeching in my ear that drowns out everything else.
After several months of trying it finally happened...two beautiful pink lines. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. I took the test very early in the morning when Jim was still sleeping. I climbed back into bed to wait for him to wake up. He didn't. Maybe a gentle nudge would do the trick. Nope. A sigh. No luck. The thunk on the forehead did the trick and he forced one eye open. Crap the pressure was on. I needed this to be perfect. Something we would remember forever and be able to tell our child some day.
"How are your eyes?" I said. Not quite what I was aiming for but I'll have to run with it now. His reply? A caveman sounding grunt as he turned over. After another round of nudges, sighs, and a thunk to the forehead he managed to ask Why? "I need you to go in the bathroom and look at something and tell me what you think."
I thought for sure that was a dead give away. Apparently not, since he seemed to think I was challenging some bathroom boundaries. He finally went in the bathroom and was there for what seemed like an eternity and came out with a look that can only be described as shock and awe. No words, just a high 5. Unfortunately that pregnancy was not meant to be. We found out at our 8 week ultrasound that there was no heartbeat. Devastated and still naive we moved on.
In December of the same year it happened again. I was beginning to think I would never see two pink lines on a test again. Cautiously optimistic best describes how we felt. The bloodwork came back with fantastic numbers. I needed to be above 2500 and I was at 77,000!!! The Dr said you are very pregnant congratulations. I let my guard down that day. I never thought we would go through the same thing again.
This time we saw a flickering heartbeat on the ultrasound which is supposed to be when you get the thumbs up. The Dr did not like something that he saw and wanted us to come back for another ultrasound in two weeks. I think the look on my face said it all and he said "Okay, next week". The following week the flicker was gone. I knew as soon as the image came up on the screen. The Dr, bless his heart kept trying to find it. I remember he and Jim both talking to me, though I didn't hear a word they said. How can this be?
This is where my favorite phrase first entered my life...Advanced Maternal Age. Which is a fancy way to call a woman old and not get kicked in the teeth.
The following months have been full of tests and a string of doctors - 4 to be exact (doctors that is), 23 vials of blood, 1 hysterosalpingogram and 1 hysteroscopy later I am a very tired and frustrated version of myself.
The only test that came back as a problem was for a hereditary blood clotting disorder called MTHFR or methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. Which in a nutshell means that I don't process folic acid correctly. So finally we had an answer as to why this keeps happening. You need folic acid to grow a healthy baby. The genetic testing we had done on the last baby showed she had trisomy 16. Not something that is hereditary. Neither Jim nor I passed it on. The baby had an extra copy of the 16th chromosome. Possibly due to my folic acid issues??? The dr's called it bad luck.
After the last miscarriage my body did not return to normal. I waited 101 days for aunt flow to return, definately not normal. I was referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist who put me on Clomid to get me ovulating again. More on Clomid later. That deserves a whole rant all unto itself. This is where my battle of proving that I ovulate on my own (thank you very much) started. This battle is still going on and we are trying to decide how we want to proceed. Seems that I am no spring chicken and every day that goes by this burden gets a little heavier to carry.
A folic acid problems sounds easy enough to fix - just take a high dose of folic acid and B vitamins and all of my problems will be solved. Well maybe. Seems like each doctor has his own opinion on MTHFR. They range from it's nothing, to me needing to give myself heparin injections twice a day.
Right now we are trying to decide what our next move will be. How to treat the MTHFR and how to make a baby.
That brings you all up to speed. Stay tuned to see where life takes me.
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1 comments:
I'll say it again, Free therapy! Oh, blogging is wonderful in just doing this, getting your thoughts and feelings out there! Hopefully soon, you'll be posting of holding your baby in your arms!! I'll keep hope for you as I know it will happen! :-)