Sorry for the absence, I have not been in the mood to write.  It's been hard to get my thoughts together.  Let me catch you up.  We finished 2009 with a new addition to our family.  Lola the Wonderdog aka a Golden Retriever came home with us and has kept us hopping ever since.  She kind of played us for fools the day we met her.  She was sweet and snuggly so we were quite stunned when she revealed her true colors.  Talk about a sassafras.  She has to have the last word and barks when she is told "NO".  I'm sure in her mind that is all I ever say.  The best thing that has come from this is that I learned Jim and I are good parents together.  We try to make sure we are on the same page and take turns with her.  I have never loved my husband more than the morning he got up early to let her out and told me he had it under control so go back to sleep.



2009 was not a good year for us.  It was memorable, but for all of the wrong reasons.  I'm looking forward to putting it behind us and moving forward in 2010.  My single minded determination to get pregnant has mellowed.  The truth is that I miss being "Jim and Traci" and all of the things that go along with it.  Somewhere along the way we stopped doing all of the things that made us us.  I laid down the law when it came to marathon training.  If it had the potential to decrease fertility, I was not having it.  Jim usually runs 2 marathons a year and he quit 2 weeks prior to the New York marathon that he had been training for.  It dawned on me that all of the extreme measures I have taken haven't changed a darn thing.  It's time to get back to our lives.  I'm still hopeful that we will add branches to our family tree, but I can't miss out on life to make it happen.

I have been stalling the process of starting with a new doctor.  I just can't seem to get excited to become a science experiment again.  The bloodwork, ultrasounds, and hormonal rollercoaster are completely overwhelming.  However, we will start with a new doctor next month.  While I can't say that I am hopeful I will say that I am in a better frame of mind.  Hope is too hard to come by.  I think I am protecting my heart.  Our good friend's Mother works for a reproductive specialist and she has gone to bat for us and I will have a say so in the way things are done.  That means everything.

To everyone who has followed this and offered encouragement I am so thankful for you.  You have seen me through my darkest days.  Here's hoping that 2010 is the best year yet.