When we built our house, deep down I always thought that we would need all 4 bedrooms.  One room in particular captivated me.  The bedroom at the front of the house across from our bedroom was just begging to become a nursery.  I imagined the closet with it's little window would become a fort where my child would spend hours playing.  I used to go in that room every morning before going downstairs and starting my day.  Standing in that room I daydreamed about how I would decorate it.  I poured over PotteryBarn Kids catalogs and fought the urge to by a little girl nursery set and a little boy nursery set just to cover my bases.

At some point I stopped going in that room.  There are days that I just close the door to that room.  In my mind it is just a guest room now.  The pink and blue paint chips have been thrown in a drawer and the catalogs and magazines are stacked in the back of a closet.

Is it time to close the door on this chapter?  I truely don't know.  I'm afraid to take a month off from this trying to conceive business.  If we take a break will it be like taking a semester off from college?  Will that be the end of things?  Each month it gets a little harder to find hope.  I once read a saying that went something like this "When the world says give up, it's hope that whispers in your ear 'try again'".  I don't hear that whisper this month.  Maybe I have closed that door to my heart.